Saying Yes to God
By C. Michael Webster
Seminarian for the Diocese of San Bernardino
 People often ask me when I first felt that I wanted to be a priest. To pinpoint the exact age is difficult, but I would have to say it was when I was around the age of 8. I can remember sitting in Mass and looking up towards the altar at the priest thinking, I want to do that. I can also remember ditching my CCD classes around this time so that I could sneak into the church. I would stand up in the sanctuary, look out at all the pews and say to myself, "one day there will be people in those pews listening to me." I was so innocent back then, but the years would wipe away that innocent desire.
By the time I finished high school I had decided I wasn't going to be a priest, not because I didn't want to be one, but because I didn't feel that I was worthy of the priesthood. Instead of pursuing my dream of the priesthood, I enrolled in college, where I subsequently majored in five different subjects. Within my second year of college I began to grow restless and miserable so I dropped out. I spent the next three years of my life trying to figure out what I was going to with my life. All the while there was still a slight tugging at my heart when I thought about the priesthood. I did my best to ignore this feeling and decided to go back to school and pursue a degree in chemistry. I went through the motions of school, all the while never truly being happy. Once again I left school and started working at various companies. With my small background in chemistry, I was able to obtain work in various labs, but once again, I was never truly happy so I never kept any of those jobs for more than a year. It was during my last job that I finally knew what I had to do.
Before I get to the point of when I finally said yes, I need to back up a few months. In January of 2004 I was in the hospital when a priest came to visit me. He asked me if I would like to receive the sacraments. Now it had been quite a few years since I last went to confession so I asked him if he was sure he had the time to hear it all, because I had a lot to confess. Now this had a profound impact on me because far from receiving the lecture I was waiting for, the priest reminded me that God never stops loving us and or forgiving us. From that day on my prayer life took on new meaning.
Now fast forward to the week before Palm Sunday 2004. I was outside playing with my dog on Saturday night when I began examining my life. I stopped and right there in the backyard and began to pray. I surrendered myself to God and asked God to show me the path I was supposed to follow. I promised God that I would follow wherever I was led. The next morning while sitting in Mass, my pastor talked about vocations to the priesthood and told us some of his vocation story. All the next week, everywhere I turned there was something talking about vocations. I received information in the mail. I even saw numerous programs on television about vocations, in particular shows about seminarians at the Vatican about to be ordained. On Palm Sunday I was once again sitting in Mass when my pastor again began talking about vocations, it was here when I said to God, "Ok, ok, I hear you." It was finally clear to me that no matter how far I tried to run over the years, I couldn't outrun the call of God.
During Holy Week I attended a Penance Service where I told a priest that I was considering a vocation to the priesthood. He told me that I should come to see him sometime during the week after Easter. Although I was unable to meet with him, I did speak to another priest. This young, recently ordained priest told me that I should contact the director of vocations for my diocese because she would be better able to help me. I took his advice and made an appointment to talk with her. Now keep in mind, I was just considering a vocation to the priesthood; nothing was set in stone. I was still struggling with the whole idea that I was unworthy of being a priest, but I decided that it wouldn't hurt to at least meet with the director of vocations for my diocese. The director told me that the process for entering the seminary could take up to a year, but she gave me an application to fill out in the mean time. I was fine with that because I felt it would give me time to think more about what I was doing. Well, as it turned out, it didn't take a year. Over the next three months I went through the entire application process, and in September 2004, I entered the seminary.
 My fears about being unworthy didn't leave the moment I entered the seminary. It wasn't until I discussed these fears with someone, I can't remember who, that this feeling left me. This person told me that God doesn't call the qualified, God qualifies the called. This little saying helped change my whole outlook. I let go of my fears and embraced my new calling. I have been in the seminary for two years now and I still have a few years before ordination, but that's ok. It's ok because I have finally found my place in the world and I have never been happier. I owe this happiness to the fact that I finally had the courage to say yes to God.
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