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A large portion of the communications section that the Banks are responsible focuses on verbal communication. John Odum also expounds on this subject. He often brings up the fact that one should not "bring up old issues in new conversations" nor should couples harbor resentments and grudges over past hurts. Forgiveness, he said, is one of the hallmarks of a solid marriage.
Yet John Odum added that the team does touch on non-verbal forms of communication as well. The way one looks at each other, show physical affection, and other forms of body language is something that all couples have to pay attention to. The old adage that, "Actions speak louder than words" is evident. It is something that stimulates lively conversation at the session, according to John Odom.
"Sometimes what you don't say is as important as what you do say," John Odum said. "Non-verbal communication is often (revealed) when you are out with family or friends. Since non-verbal communication is still communication, you have to choose your actions just as carefully as your words in verbal communication."
The more experienced married couples are the ones who facilitate the more sensitive discussions that involve sexual relations, finances, and the adjustments needed in the critical first years of marriage. They have already been over the hurdle and their hindsight brings a spiritual richness to these conversations.
John Odum brings the experience of being the father a 32-year-old daughter, Jobenia. He had this daughter from a previous relationship before he married his wife in 1993. Together, John and Laura have a 10-year-old son, Malcolm-who serves as an altar server. While he often leaves the sibling rivalry issues to the couples with children who are closer in age, he can discuss the issue of step parenting, children who do not live at home, and how parenting changes over time.
"You can't talk about any of these subjects without talking about being spiritually grounded," said John Odum. "If you don't have Christ at the center of your marriage, it just won't work. Marriage involves bringing together two very individuals, but your love of Christ is what you have in common. It is only by keeping Christ in the picture that you will have a good and happy marriage. So, it's important that each one in the couple have their own faith (renewed) continually."
At St. Cyprian, the Pre-Cana session targets African American couples from throughout the Philadelphia Archdiocese. While the April session draws about a dozen couples who will marry during the prime summer wedding months, about half that amount attend the October workshop and usually plan to marry during the winter season.
"The sessions always start with an icebreaker, so that everyone can feel comfortable," explained John Odum, who got married in 1993 and has been involved with the Pre-Cana group at St. Cyprian since its inception. "We usually start about 9 a.m. and by noon when we have lunch everyone is pretty comfortable and we've already go a lot done. The afternoon is when we discuss the more (sensitive) topics. The beauty of our Pre-Cana program is that we wind up about 4 p.m., so it's all done in one long session." For more information or to register contact Msgr. Britto at 215-747-3250.
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