There is a saying: your past
always catches up to you. I believe that to be true. Even though Paul says
in Philippians 3:13 "…forgetting what is behind,…" our pasts can be a painful
reminder of poor choices we made. I have been involved in the pregnancy resource
center movement for over 20 years and have seen first-hand the damage that past
choices can cause men and women. Whether it is the pain of a past abortion, the
damaging effects of an incurable sexually transmitted disease, the realization
that your fertility has been compromised, or even the heartache of a broken
relationship, one thing remains true: pain is always involved.
There is a way to overcome our past and find freedom
for our future. It is not always easy, but it is so worth the effort. I can tell
you from my own personal experience that there was a time when my past caught up
to me. I was in college when I found out I was pregnant. Yes, a good Christian
girl gone bad. My only thought was that I needed to put an end to this
situation. Therefore, my only solution seemed to be abortion. After making that
decision, I thought that I could "brush it under the rug", so to speak, and move
on with my life. Little did I know that my past would quickly catch up with me.
It was about two years later that I was asked to volunteer at a local pregnancy
center. My heart rejoiced as I thought to myself "this is what I can do to make
up for what I did." God had a different plan, and as a result of my sharing my
past abortion with the office director, I was encouraged to join a abortion
recovery bible study. It was during that study that I found the forgiveness and
freedom that I had longed for. God did a miraculous work in my life and as a
result, I have been able to impact other men and women all over this world with
my testimony and my continued work with the issue of sexual wholeness. I
experienced a healing that many others desire to experience.
But it just wasn't my abortion that caused pain. It
was also my sexual choices that led up to that decision. For many of us, we
don't think that our past sexual choices will have any effect whatsoever on our
future. But they do. This is because we were created in the image of God, made
for relationships that are healthy and whole. When we choose to do relationships
other than the way that God intended (premarital sex, adultery, etc.) then we
reap the consequences. Those choices affect us because our sexuality is like a
thread that is woven throughout every fiber of our being. We cannot choose to be
physically sexual and not have it affect us emotionally, socially,
intellectually and spiritually. When God designed sex, it was designed to be a
powerful bond between husband and wife that would glue them together for a
lifetime. An added bonus to this union is the beautiful creation of children.
There is a way, however, to free yourself from
your past. First, you have to take a deep look and see just how those
choices in your past have affected you. Do you have anger issues? Do you
jump from one relationship to the next? Do you struggle with depression? Do
you seem to struggle with the same sin time and time again (like pornography
or sexual addiction)? Has your relationship with God been overshadowed with
guilt and shame? These are just a few of the ways that our past sexual
choices can affect us today. Second, you have to get yourself out of any sin
that is currently entangling you. If you are in an unhealthy relationship
where you are not walking in sexual wholeness/integrity, then you have to
"flee." Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 "flee from sexual immorality, all
other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins
against his own body." Paul isn't telling us to walk away, but to FLEE! Run
for the hills! Get out of there FAST!
Third, we need to break soul ties. Soul ties occur
when we "bond" with another human being. There are healthy soul ties, like the
bond of friendship or the bond that happens when we marry and become one flesh
with our spouse. But, there are also negative soul ties, like when we bond
(become physically intimate) with someone that is not our spouse. We know from
science that a chemical is released that bonds our brains to that person, and
that bond takes place whether we want it to or not.1 In the same sense, there is
a powerful spiritual bond that takes place when we become physically intimate
with another human being outside of marriage. Those are ties that need to be
broken so that we are no longer "tied" to that person. Here is a summary of what
needs to take place to break a soul tie. Step one: confess the sins (repent)
that involve that person. Step two: forgive that person of any wrongdoing. Step
three: renounce any covenants that you made with that person (example: "I will
love you forever"). Step four: get rid of any gifts exchanged since these gifts
can hold a soul tie in place. Step five: renounce and break the soul tie in
Jesus' name. Step six: ask Jesus to fill you with His Holy Spirit and to restore
you so that you might be whole, holy and set apart for His pleasure. (Please
note that breaking soul ties should not be done lightly. I suggest that before
you proceed, that seek wise counsel on the topic and do some further reading and
studying).
Once you have broken free and released the bond
that previous relationships have had over you, you then need to study what
God's word says about who you are. If you have struggled for any length of
time with your past, then you know that the enemy of your soul has been
lying to you about who you are. John 10:10a says: "The thief comes only to
steal and kill and destroy…" When you have not experienced forgiveness and
freedom from your past you will struggle in understanding your identity in
Christ. Satan would tell you that you are no good, you can't break free, you
are not worthy to be forgiven, etc. etc. We need to stop listening to the
enemy and start looking to God's Word and what He has to say about who we
truly are. That same verse goes on to say "…I have come that they might have
life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10b). Let me direct you to a great
website that is all about our identity in Christ:
http://www.whoiaminchrist.net/BibleVerseSheets.html . I encourage you to read over
these verses when you wake up and begin believing the truth of who you are.
I conclude with a quote from Dr. Neil Anderson
in his book "Victory Over the Darkness":
"The more you reaffirm who you are in Christ,
the more your behavior will begin to reflect your true identity!"
1. Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr., MD, Freda McKissic
Bush, MD, Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our
Children(Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2008).
Katy Flood, LAS, is passionate about
communicating God's heart for sexual wholeness. She currently is a freelance
writer and a consultant for Heartbeat International's Sexual Integrity™
Program. Katy has her own speaking and consulting ministry and is available
for speaking engagements. Please visit her at
www.katyflood.net.
