My Journey Into Faith
By Fatima Washington
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This summer my mother offered to take me with her and my brother on a pilgrimage, a spiritual and religious journey to some of the major Catholic sites in the world. Our trip would include Lourdes, France, Rome Italy and Fatima Portugal. I was thrilled, but not sure what to expect. Growing up Catholic and with the name Fatima one inevitably learns about the sacred and holy places of our Faith. I learned firsthand when my mother made her first pilgrimage to Fatima, Portugal in 1989. I remember Mom returning with books, souvenirs and powerful stories about her personal experience visiting one of the most famous sites of the apparitions of Our Blessed Mother. Yet, I still had a vague sense of how my journey should flow and what would be expected of me along the way.

Don't get me wrong I knew this was the trip of a lifetime, but not sure as a Catholic if I was ready spiritually to go on a trip such as this. Did I know enough about the Saints, the Marian Apparitions and the passion of Christ? Would I be in Mass, praying or saying the rosary around the clock? Was I holy enough to even go? I knew some of these were silly questions and yet they stayed on my mind. I consider myself a believer of the Faith, however I do not attend Mass daily, make the sacrament of reconciliation regularly and pray the rosary with very little consistency. On the other hand, my brother is a Eucharistic Minister, he attends Mass daily and Mom purchased a breviary (The Liturgy of the Hours) for him to take on our trip.

Finally, I asked my mother, "What are your expectations of me?" Considering my question she explained that this was not a site seeing tour of Europe. Of course, we would be passing through major cities such as Paris and Rome and should enjoy the richness of the culture around us, but our priority as a family and individuals should be to put Christ first.

Handling our full itinerary, my mother an experienced pilgrim outlined a journey that over the course of one month would consist of traveling to three countries and numerous small cities and towns. We began in Rome with the Vatican, the Sistine Chapel, St. Mary Maggiore, St. John Vianney, St. Peter and Paul's Basilica, moving into Assisi, Italy to the Basilicas and shrines of St. Francis (who founded the Franciscan order) and St. Clare. Then to San Giovanni Rotondo, Italy where Saint Padre Pio's body lies incorruptible and the Sanctuary of St. Michael the Archangel, a sacred cave and popular Catholic shrine. Here the Archangel Michael is said to have appeared in 490, 492 and 1656.

In Paris we would visit the basilicas of the Sacre-Coeur, Notre Dame, St. Vicente De Paul, and the shrine of Saint Catherine of Laboure located inside the Chapel of the Miraculous Medal. Then traveling by train to Nevers, France to the convent and chapel of Saint Gildard, the convent where St. Bernadette entered to become a nun, where she died and where her body lies incorruptible in a bronze and crystal casket. And finally to Lourdes, France and the Grotto of the Apparitions where Our Lady appeared to Bernadette on eighteen occasions and where the spring of miraculous and healing water still flows today.

Leaving France, we would fly to Lisbon, Portugal. Then board a bus to Fatima, Portugal where over a million pilgrims return annually to the site to where our Lady of Fatima appeared to three little children from May to October in 1917 giving them the messages from her son Jesus to repent, pray the rosary and give devotion to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

This was an ambitious pilgrimage, but my mother who has crossed the Atlantic some twenty five plus times as both a tourist and pilgrim would be our guide. As the physical journey began to take shape in my mind I began to contemplate my spiritual journey as well. I tried to set goals and intentions, but nothing seemed to feel right or true for me. All I knew is that I wanted to increase my Faith and stay open to Christ.

As the trip began nothing could prepare me for the intimate communication I would have with Christ, His Blessed Mother and the Saints. What I learned is that when we open our hearts to Jesus He will pour His light into us in many shapes and forms. Sometimes through other people, sometimes from the quiet still voice within and even allow miracles to occur where we are so filled with the spirit of His presence that we know beyond the shadow of a doubt that our Lord knows us intimately and personally.

This intimate connection first happened most clearly for me in Nevers at the chapel where St. Bernadette's body lies incorruptible. Let me back up for a moment and point out that of all places where the Saints have walked and experienced their own encounter with Christ and the Blessed Mother --- St. Bernadette intrigued me the most. I was fascinated by her incorruptible state and the aura of peace and holiness that surrounded her. Years before the pilgrimage I would stare at photos of Bernadette lying at rest and wonder about her life and her story. I saw a film about her and even did some research on the Internet. Yet, now I was actually going to see her with my own eyes lying in a state of grace. This is something I always wanted to do and I was filled with excitement!

Yet, the journey to Nevers was like any other travel day on our pilgrimage consisting of first figuring out the travel logistics of where, how and what time to arrive and depart. After a two and a half hour train ride outside of Paris my brother and I arrived at Nevers. Walking several blocks from the train station through a quiet residential neighborhood we made our way to the convent. Entering the chapel it was not what I expected. There were a few pilgrims and locals, one nun who watched over Bernadette's shrine and it was much plainer and smaller than the other shrines I visited in Italy. The chapel was simple and humble much like Bernadette. Yet, there was an overwhelming sense of peace and a knowing that I was standing on holy ground.

I took my turn and knelt to pray in front of Bernadette, but I yearned to get closer to her. After saying my prayers I left to walk the grounds, take pictures and purchase a few gifts at the souvenir shop. I considered buying some rosaries that I thought my sister might like, but instead I purchased a small book based on the archives from the Sisters of Charity about Bernadette's body after being exhumed. My brother had gone to pray in the Grotto of the Apparitions, the Massabielle Grotto - a small replica housed in the main courtyard.

I found myself drawn to go back inside the chapel. To my surprise the nun who stays with St. Bernadette in the shrine was gone and so were all the pilgrims. I knelt again and began to pray. I felt Bernadette's presence and the fragrance of wild flowers were all around my head. We were one-on-one and I was so grateful to have this rare moment completely alone with her. In a very clear voice and not my own I heard Bernadette say, "Don't forget about the rosary." The voice startled me a little and again internally I heard, "Don't forget about the rosary." I left the shrine and ran back to the souvenir shop. It had begun to rain hard outside. I purchased the rosaries I had deliberately left behind with Bernadette's face at the beginning of each decade. I brought them back into the shrine now occupied again with pilgrims. Bernadette was reminding me of the message Our Lady had given to her in 1858.

Prior to our trip I had a million excuses why I did not say the rosary. I did not have the time or reciting the rosary did not move me or it was not a part of my spiritual life Catholic or not. On the pilgrimage, I started saying the rosary and was more eager to recite it with my family. And now that I am back home the excuses have melted away and the power and peace the rosary brings is so clear to me.

Miracles do happen when you allow yourself to go on a spiritual journey. My encounter with St. Bernadette was one of many that happened to me on this journey into my Faith. In Lourdes, I took a miraculous bath and held those same rosaries that I purchased in Nevers while being submerged into the miraculous waters. When I emerged the rosary, the beads, and the string itself were completely dry.

In Fatima, Portugal a woman at the information center, a complete stranger spoke to me so intimately about my personal life and the challenges and choices that I must make that I walked away knowing a divine presence was speaking through her.

Finally, returning from Portugal I befriended an Italian woman who I sat next to on the plane. She too was ending her pilgrimage and had taken the same journey to Fatima and Lourdes. I spoke very little Italian and she very little English, but we talked nonstop sharing the stories of our journey the entire plane ride. We shed tears, exchanged little gifts and of course emails. I would call this a miracle too --- our paths crossing and the language barrier removed. There we were an American black woman and an Italian woman from completely different worlds yet now walking stronger together in our Faith.

The pilgrimage changed my spiritual life and my walk with Christ forever. I trust in Him completely and my relationship with our Blessed Mother has grown deeper and more beautiful. The trip strengthened the bonds of our family and the spiritual relationship I share with my mother and brother. And I still do not say the rosary every day, but the difference is I want to.

Fatima Washington lives and works in Los Angeles, California.