Forgiveness is easy to talk and write about,
but difficult to do. Once we've been offended, especially unjustly, the
natural response is seek retribution or even vengeance. We want the offending
party to suffer as we have suffered, to feel the pain we have felt. The very
idea of forgiveness is an uncommon response to the very human response
for immediate justice and retribution. We want the Old Testament lex
talons of "eye for eye, tooth for tooth, stripe for stripe, or burning
for burning" to be the judgment rule of the occasion. You hurt me, I'll
hurt you back! You lie on me, and I'll dig up some dirt on you! You betray
me and I'll destroy your name and your aspirations.
But as Christians we are called to live a stripe
above the merely human response to injustice and pain. We are called to forgive those
who offend us:
"…forgive, if you have anything against anyone,
so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.
But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive
your transgressions." Mark 11:25-26
But how does one forgive an offending party who
has damaged us or broken our hearts or destroyed our good name? Does our
Heavenly Father expect us to do the impossible? Does He ask us to turn a
blind eye to injustice? No, God never asks us to turn a blind eye to injustice,
but He does ask us to forgive the perpetrator.
Separating the perpetrator from the deed is
very difficult indeed, but nevertheless can be done. All of us have the
capacity for good and evil. We offend as well as being offended, yet we
think of ourselves as being basically good people. We acknowledge that
at times we do things that wound others: we carry gossip about others,
hedge on our commitments, do spiteful things to others because, for lack
of a better word, we're in a funk and just feel uncharitable. Yet we still
think of ourselves as being good Christians, but with a human dimension.
We tend to separate our good selves from our bad acts.
Looking at others through the same lens helps
us to understand that we all do bad things at times and all of us have the
need of giving and receiving forgiveness. Separating the act from the actor
is a big step towards forgiving an offender. We can never forgive an act of
injustice or evil, but we can forgive the perpetuator. An evil act will always be
an evil act and can never be swept under a rug, yet those persons who
commit those acts are made in the image of God and have, however small,
some good in them. Maybe they had a bad day, or maybe they are going
through a difficult sickness or divorce, or maybe they endured humiliating
abuse or perversion during their formative years. We don't always know the
real reason a person acts unjustly toward us. Maybe their encounter with us
triggered or occasioned something within them that they themselves do not
fully understand. Since we don't always know the cause of an unjust act towards us,
forgiveness is indeed difficult but not impossible. It may take time for healing
to take place before forgiveness can take place, but that's normal. In the end
when we look at the debilitating cost of carrying the burdens of anger and hatred,
forgiveness is the only practical solution. Forgiving a perpetrator for the
unjust acts he or she has committed against us may not be easy, but it's a lot
easier than living under a cloud of bitterness.
This article is written by
Alex Jones, a permanent deacon in the Archdiocese of Detroit. You can know more
about Deacon Alex by visiting his website: www.deaconalexcjones.com.
